Stories of Resistance
2021
July: Dev’s story
My name is Dev Singh. I am a transman. I am still not out to my family. Because I have fear that they would kill me. I lived my 22 years like girl, suppress my inner me. Everyday is like I am dying. I never felt I am myself, just listening and doing what they said to me.
What is a dominant idea that affects you?
Patriarchy
What are the small ways in which you stand up to it?
1. Clothes, because I am a girl (by body) I have to wear girl clothes (as my family says). What I did - I start giving tuition to children, and stop asking for money for clothes from them and started buying clothes of my choices, my money and I can spent it as I want.
2. Girls don't go out in the market to buy vegetables, or anything (my mom being very supportive and she forces me to go out, it was my father and brother who stops me) so, I started going out to buy vegetables, to spend some time with myself, at the gym. It was not easy because I always went outside when my father left the home for the office, but sometimes he came earlier than his usual time. So, yes I was also scolded for that so many times, and it really doesn't affect me. And if I don't feel bad for this now, because I am not doing any wrong things, and being a human I have the right to breathe in fresh air.
3. Girls don't play any games. My father stops me from playing. So, what I did was, I lied that there is some project work going on in college and I would come late as I will be competing with my friends in the hostel. And I practised after my college hours, and I won 2 medals at zonal level and one medal at the State Level. Then, I showed it to him. He was happy with it, and told his friends about this. And never supported me, it's just like you won medals and prizes but don't practise....however, my mother was very supportive in this, her only thing was not to talk or play with boys. They still don't know I identify myself as a male.
4. I want boys to be my friend. Girls should have long hair. I have long hair. And I can't get them cut off.... Still living with it. Hope, someday I get out of this house, and live my life.
What made you come up with and sustain these small ways of resisting?
I was dying. I felt like if this goes like this, one day I will die. And If I didn't take these steps they will continue to do like this. I will lose myself completely. It was like all these restrictions were killing me everyday.
What are your hopes and dreams for a future with more power over this dominant idea?
I hope for everyone to know what their rights are. They do, but it's still lacking in some areas. This is going to last longer, that men in the house are the one who takes decisions and others have to follow.
What would be your suggestions to others resisting a similar dominant idea?
I would suggest that women should understand that they are too human. Don't get weak. You are strong. Don't let others tell you what you have to do and what you do not. Have your own opinions and choices in life.
August: SP’s story
My name is S.P. My office team always made me feel small and irreverent. They spoke and treated me in ways which made me question my own self and my core principles. The language they used was so harsh which effected me and troubled me. One day I just stopped being bothered by they behaviour, I didn’t feel the need to validate myself I chose to keep my boundaries and believe in my myself. That trust on myself changed me.
What is a dominant idea that affects you?
Emotional invalidation
What are the small ways in which you stand up to it?
By being open and trusting myself
What made you come up with and sustain these small ways of resisting?
Having a strong support system and constant reflection
What are your hopes and dreams for a future with more power over this dominant idea?
That people learn to respect others' boundaries and treat them as people not stones.
What would be your suggestions to others resisting a similar dominant idea?
Believe in yourself and you can win the world.
September: Anon’s story
I'm a counseling psychologist working as a Member, Juvenile Justice Board, Bangalore Urban, Bangalore.
What is a dominant idea that affects you?
Patriarchy and misogyny
What are the small ways in which you stand up to it?
Wearing sleeveless blouse to court. (I've been told wearing sleeveless is against the dignity and decorum of the court)
Crossing my legs in court. (I'm told we are not supposed to that as it is disrespectful to the male judges)
Writing dissent orders as a single member against the orders passed which transferred children to be tried and sentenced as adults. This has earned me a lot of brickbats from many judicial officers who believe I'm simply being rebellious, arrogant and displaying unwanted activism.
What made you come up with and sustain these small ways of resisting?
The thought that my silence and signing on an order would mean that a child would be tried and sentenced as an adult- is scary and something I cannot live with.
What are your hopes and dreams for a future with more power over this dominant idea?
I dream of a world where my daughter and all the children of the world don't have to fight for these freedoms and rights the way I had to.
What would be your suggestions to others resisting a similar dominant idea?
Speak your truth in your own way and please support others who try to, because it is often a very scary and lonely journey.
October: Yohann’s story
My name is Yohann.
What is a dominant idea that affects you?
Patriarchy, transphobia, misogyny and fat phobia.
What are the small ways in which you stand up to it?
Not abiding to gender roles, dressing the way I want to and eating whatever I want to.
What made you come up with and sustain these small ways of resisting?
People shouldn't have the power to make me feel uncomfortable in my own skin and therefore I feel like resistance is important in whatever way possible.
What would be your suggestions to others resisting a similar dominant idea?
People with traditional ways of life will always try to bring you down cause you're following a different path than theirs but don't let it affect you. Resisting may be difficult but the happiness that the small victories bring is really nice.
November: P’J’s story
My name is P'J- Dreamer, Optimist and Inquisitive.
What is a dominant idea that affects you?
Egoists
What are the small ways in which you stand up to it?
Being patient yet assertive
What made you come up with and sustain these small ways of resisting?
My patience and silence was perceived as my weakness, so I decided to be assertive.
What would be your suggestions to others resisting a similar dominant idea?
Stand up for yourself by being politely assertive. Do not cave down. Do not lower your eyes, face it.
December: Sapna’s story
My name is Sapna
What is a dominant idea that affects you?
Patriarchy and Misogyny
What are the small ways in which you stand up to it?
Working towards strong meditation and spiritual power to gain positivity in and around….
What made you come up with and sustain these small ways of resisting?
My patience and silence was perceived as my weakness, so I decided to be assertive.
What would be your suggestions to others resisting a similar dominant idea?
Clarity in thoughts and thirst to grow….
What are your hopes and dreams for a future with more power over this dominant idea?
Keep calm and work towards priorities and goals of my life with my pace, so that I can be strong and better every day…
What would be your suggestions to others resisting a similar dominant idea?
Visualise future endeavours and outcomes and move on.
2022
January: Amaranth’s story
My name is Amaranth Gupta, registered with government ART centre since 2014
What is a dominant idea that affects you?
NACO changed the guidelines so I was put on Tenofovir Disoproxil Fummarate (TDF), Lamuvidine, Efavirenz (TLE). Previously was on Zidovudine, Lamivudine, Nevirapine (ZLN). Around 2019 I came to know that Tenofovir Disoproxil Fummarate give Bone Mineral Density (BMD) problem. I came to from internet. That's why USA is giving Tenofovir Alfenamide (TAF) instead of Tenofovir Disoproxil Fummarate to is citizens. I am a lay man, compare to people in Technical Resource Group (TRG) NACO. One of the padam shree award recipient Dr. ********* is in the TRG. Now I don't understand, if I know about BMD, how it is possible that they are not aware about TDF giving BMD problem. What they did, they changed the guidelines again and each & every patient is put on Tenofovir Disoproxil Fumarate / Lamivudine / Dolutegravir. I am not on TLD. It will not affect me. Around 1.4 million on ART will be affected.
What are the small ways in which you stand up to it?
By writing about this and by informing the key people about this
What made you come up with and sustain these small ways of resisting?
Recently, one of our community members did little survey about BMD issues related to TDF. A small health camp was organised and people were tested who are on TDF or we're on TDF. 70 % people had Bone Mineral Density problem. Some of the had osteoporosis.
What are your hopes and dreams for a future with more power over this dominant idea?
Before changing guidelines or regimen, a study should be conducted in india
What would be your suggestions to others resisting a similar dominant idea?
Speak up, before it is late.
